DOGE
The Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) announced its latest cost-saving measure this week: deleting surplus Social Security numbers to shave $6,473 off its annual cloud storage bill. The plan was immediately endorsed by DOGE’s honorary chair and self-declared technoking, Elon Musk, who called the presence of “extra” Social
Elon Musk
Elon Musk, government-funded adrenaline junkie, has finally entered rehab for what experts call a “highly advanced form of corporate codependency.” In the year 2025, building a single-lane tunnel with Teslas crawling through it is enough to get you labeled a genius, provided you’re Elon Musk and receive $1,232,
TeslaTakedown
Bethesda, MD — In what began as a heated group text titled "Polite Society Has Collapsed", three of America’s most committed apostles of civility—Bill Kristol, David Brooks, and Bret Stephens—set fire to a Tesla dealership last night in what they’re calling a “reasoned act of
Steve Bannon
TOPEKA, KANSAS — In what experts are calling “the most pathetic act of radicalization since Kanye’s brief Orthodox Christian phase,” Steve Bannon attempted to reignite his relevance Monday by throwing a brick through the window of a Tesla dealership. “I built this movement,” Bannon reportedly shouted at no one, his
Elon Musk
The BioLiberty Freedom Forum, held inside a decommissioned missile silo and sponsored by Neuralink and the Ghost of Joe Rogan’s Career, descended into chaos Friday when Robert F. Kennedy Jr. cornered Elon Musk during a panel titled “Neurodiversity or New World Order?” “You’ll never truly amount to anything,
Pam Bondi
In a dazzling yet oddly angular ceremony this weekend, former Attorney General Pam Bondi made headlines once again — this time not for defending her right to torture kidnapped fathers in a concentration camp, but for saying “I do” to none other than a gleaming Tesla Cybertruck. The union, held in